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How to Make a Better You - Love, Belonging, and Security

by Nina Sabin - Healthy Tip

All of us have three basic needs that must be met to have a healthy and fulfilling life. These needs are: love, belonging, and security. The problem is most us don’t feel those needs are met because we are looking in the wrong places to obtain them.

Television is great for entertainment but an unrealistic for demonstrating real relationships. Most little children, especially little girls, grow up believing they are a princess and one day their prince will find them, marry them, and they will live happily ever after. That sets up unrealistic expectations of men and the marriage relationship.

Also, friendship expectation is unrealistic because we want to have friendships like we see on the TV and movies. I do not know about you, but the TV show “Friends” had me thinking that your friends hang out with you all the time and you always have someone to be with. Again, unrealistic expectations begin to be set.

Where do you turn to receive the love, belonging, and security you desire? If you expect to receive those basic needs from people and things you are going to be disappointed and feel unfulfilled. That is because as humans we are not perfect and we will fail each other at times. Most of us don’t do it on purpose but it just happens.

Usually, when you interact with each other and something doesn’t happen as expected it is because we are imperfect. If things do not go as planned, it doesn’t mean the person was out to get you or intentionally hurt you. Often, there is a misunderstanding that happens. Yet, by the time you may realize it was a misunderstanding or misinterpretation, hurt feelings and bitterness have set in and then forgiveness becomes very difficult to happen.

Relationships can crumble and your feeling of love, belonging, and security seem to have disappeared.

Here is a Bible verse that explains how miscommunication can happen.

James 3:2 -We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check. (NIV)

This site provides more verses about what the Bible tells about how to interact with others to avoid or be aware of how miscommunication happens.

The question remains how do we get our three basic needs met if not in our relationship with our spouse, family, friends, and work. We get it from our Heavenly Father who created us and made us in His image. The Bible has all the answers to all the questions in life, yet is also the most controversial subject? But let’s save that discussion for another time.

Here are verses from the Bible that explains how each need is met by Our Lord and Savior.

How does God provide the Love we need? God’s Love is unconditional. What does unconditional love mean? According to Wikipedia Unconditional love is known as affection without any limitations, or love without conditions. God loves us despite our faults and mistakes. He doesn’t hold grudges or allow what we say hurt Him. No matter what we may do in life, no matter how bad we may think the things we have done or said are, God’s love is unchanging. All we have to do is believe in Him, call on Him, and He will answer and show you His Love. He waits for us to call on Him, give our life to him, rely on Him, and not others.

Romans 5:8 - But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.(NIV)

1 John 4:8 - Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. (NIV)

How does God give us the Belonging we need? Each us wants to know what our purpose is, how do we fit in, how do we belong. When we look at social media and see how everyone else seems to fit in, then we get down on ourselves. The truth is you do not know for sure if what you are seeing is real. The belonging you see on social media is temporary; however, belonging to God’s family is real and permanent. God will never disappoint us. He will always be close to us and show us how important we are in this life. He has plans to use us, take care of us, and always be with us. That is how you feel like you belong, when you feel like this is a place you can let your guard down and be real. With God you can always be real.

Psalm 68:6 - To the fatherless he is a father. To the widow he is a champion friend. To the lonely he makes them part of a family. To the prisoners he leads into prosperity until they sing for joy. This is our Holy God in his Holy Place! (TPT)

Psalm 100:3 - Know that the Lord, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. (ESV)

Romans 14:8 - For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord's. (ESV)

Isaiah 43:1 - But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. (ESV)

How does God give us the Security we need? Everything on earth is temporary and that give us a lack of security. Just when things seem to secure in your family, with finances, with your job; it could change in an instant. However, everything from God is permanent and we know He will protect us forever. Even when it doesn’t seem like He is there, He is and He won’t leave you when you look to Him. Your job is to have faith in Him, believe in Him, and know in your heart that God is all you need in life.

2 Corinthians 5:1 - For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. (ESV)

Psalm 91:4 - “Under His wings, shall you trust and find refuge.” When trouble comes your way, stay in that place of refuge in God. It’s a place of safety from any enemy. (ESV)

Psalm 46:1 - God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. (ESV)

To sum up, the only way to truly get your three basic needs met in your life – Love, Security, and Belonging is through God. Anything or anyone else will fail you. In order to Make a Healthier You, find your love, security and belonging in God, the one who created you and who wants you to reach out to Him.

If you would like to know more on how to get your three basic needs met through God, I am available to chat and pray with you. If you don’t feel like you have love, belonging, and security in your life ask yourself why and how can you make changes in your life so you do. Start by reaching out to God and asking Him to show you. You will not be disappointed.

As a Christian Healthy Life Coach, I can give you the support and accountability you need to find a healthy path you want for your life. Most of us know what we should be doing for ourselves in life, but somehow have difficulty staying on a healthy path. That is where I come in - to give you the necessary, support, and tools to keep you on that path. I am also here to help you understand how much you need God in your life important, especially during these uncertain times. Contact me at or directly on our contact page. I will respond within a 24 hours.


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